I came to a conclusion that I’m messing my whole life up. It’s dreadful thinking I can’t please you, my parents, and whoever out there related to me. The more I try, the more everyone see my flaws. No one sees the effort that I’m trying to be better. Lately, you want your say and words to be the end of every conversation. I have to accept and be quiet. Tonight, I feel like the most hopeless person ever. I just feel you’re gonna give up on me, soon. A part of me wants to leave, I hate being a burden or reason why your temper has been out of control. I think that now you see me as a rude, disrespectful, two faced bitch. Maybe soon, you can start to hate me. It seems like I have no choice now. I wanna go back to working day and night and forget about the world. I hope SGH approves the salary and we can start the contract. I don’t wanna stay at home any longer. Inviting unwanted problems.
I looked forward for this Sunday despite knowing you’re low on budget and we have no plans yet. Whatever. As long as I can see you, I’m happy. But now I have a feeling I just ruined the weekends for us.
Dad, you can keep mum all you want but you don’t freaking accuse me of things I didn’t do or I can’t do. I have bad grades because I struggled through my years in poly. It’s not easy being around smart people. It’s not fucking easy. You should be glad I’d graduated with a diploma in one of best courses SP offered. I can’t get to NUS. NONE OF MY CLASSMATES GOT IN. GET THAT IN MIND. ENTRY REQUIREMENTS ARE FUCKING DEMANDING NOW. Don’t put high hopes on me. I can excel when I WANT TO. I WILL CONTINUE MY STUDIES, BUT NOT FUCKING NOW.
I don’t hate the world. I hate myself so fucking much. This is a sincere remark, thanks to everyone for pointing my failures and flaws out. I really do appreciate it.
(Source: ririeamanda, via barbieandken)
Relationships are harder now.
Because conversations became texting, arguments became phone calls, feelings became subliminal messages online, sex became easy, the word “love” gets used out of context, insecurities have become your way of thinking, getting jealous became a habit, trust has been lost, cheating became an accident, leaving became the only option & being hurt became natural.
(Source: tedeezy)
